I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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