i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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