I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
