there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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