I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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