i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
