Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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