I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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