Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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