im six kinds of drunk right now
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
