well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I have fence marks all over my body
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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