So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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