I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I love you.
Bad choice
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