I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
