You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
