She is in my trunk
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
