could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
