I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
