I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Randomize
