I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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