Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
