My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
