just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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