Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
