i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
