apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
