just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
