just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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