You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
