She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Let's paint friendship bongs
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
