If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
