You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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