Moan for me like Helen Keller
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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