If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
