You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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