I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
