I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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