That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
