I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
