I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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