I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The Olympian is in my bed
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
