just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
