Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It was like giving head to a cactus.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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