Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
