I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
