You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
