Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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