I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You may now shotgun with the bride
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My dad is sitting where you rode me
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
