I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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