i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
