is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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