If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
